You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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