Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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