Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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