i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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