The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
His nipple licking is glorious
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