you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
