Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
