Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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