She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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