I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
