The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
