I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
