oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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