Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
