I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
