Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
