i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
