last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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