I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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