Already got asked if we're dating
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
