his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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