i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize