my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
