I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
