apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
