my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
