Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
