Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
