Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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