I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
