He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
