he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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