I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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