Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
