just tell him i said nine months
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His hands were made for my vagina.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
