Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
