Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
