Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
