Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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