for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
