Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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