when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just pynch a tree in the face
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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