Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
