the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
