I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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