Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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