the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
