Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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