Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
