Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They took my balls.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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