dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
