I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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