Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
