so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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