I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
