She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
