I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
