respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
