The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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