Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
