And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
