No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just gargled with NyQuil
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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