I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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