How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
