I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
