just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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