i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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