We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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