neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
