the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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