Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
try to milk me bitch
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