Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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