I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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