your parents love me but you hate me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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