He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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