stop calling my apartment porn island.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
