I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we're making bets on your personal life
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
