toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
