I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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