Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
