I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
